I think I like books as much as I do because they allow me to get lost.
Now don't get me wrong, I love reading in general, but there is just something ethereal about how they can transport you to a new world. A different time. A different place. One that doesn't involve….well…. myself. It pulls me away from everything that is going on in my life and allows me to live in someone else's. They help me escape and take my mind off of it all, even if it is just for a few minutes, hours, or chapters. Instead of feeling trapped in my own head and overthinking, I am encompassed by the words of another author. I know it may sound cheesy, but it truly does help. For a couple of spare moments, when I'm in a dark place it brings a sliver of light—an invisible string between me and the pages of a delicate paperback.
I guess that's something that books and I both have in common. Were delicate.
Easy to bend and break by some but to others we are treated with the utmost love and care as if we are their most prized possession. No matter how worn or torn we are, there is someone that will always appreciate us. And When we feel as if we have no one else, we have each other to breathe air and new life into. A home for one another.
I can't always find my own words to encompass how I'm feeling, but some books hit the mark to a t. Perfectly exuberating each small detail and emotion. Even when I don't exactly know what I am feeling myself. They always seem to understand and provide a voice for me when I lose mine.
I recently read a specific book that hit home in regard to a past traumatic experience of mine. It’s called ‘The Way I Used to Be’ by Amber Smith. For a while, I was on the fence about even purchasing this book because as mentioned, I read to escape, not to relive my own past. But nevertheless, I bought it during a sale and picked it up one afternoon. Over the course of a day, I had finished it and definitely was not the same after. Back when I first started Here's the T, I opened up about how I was sexually assaulted and how it affected me. This book did just that but on a wider canvas. It showcased how a traumatic experience such as the one I went through can drastically change a person and alter their day-to-day life; and how it is something that can affect not just multiple years but lives as well. When I flipped the last page I remember staring blankly at my wall for a bit as I didn't fully know how to reprocess it all. It brought back repressed memories and feelings. Ones that I hadn't unlocked or dealt with for quite a few years now. But on the other hand, it also gave me back that voice. When everything was happening I fully believe that I didn't understand just how much it had affected me, or others around me really - and this - as triggering as it was - felt a bit healing. It helped me to sort through my own thoughts and put them into words. While it didn't have the happy ending that I tend to look for in books, it did end with hope. And sometimes that is the best ending that we can hope for. Yes, the cliches and love stories are great, but so are the hard-hitting realistic ones. As it goes to show that life isn't always full of sunshine, but rather taking it one step at a time.
I’ll continue to read my cheesy romance stories, but I also want to face and continue writing my own story and who knows it could result in being a best seller.
April is sexual assault awareness month,
if you or someone you know is searching for a safe space and someone to talk to, here is a 24/7 confidential hotline
1-800-656-4673
and if that is something you aren't comfortable with but are still searching for someone to listen and understand; please do not hesitate to reach out to me <3 I am here for you. You are not alone.
- T <3
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