Be intentional with who and what you carry into 2021…
This is a simple, yet straight forward and powerful message that has stuck with me.
Humankind has a wide variety of habits - and these habits play as a puzzle piece in the complex game of what makes us human and help to shape us into who we are and who we will become. One of my major flaws in regards to habits is giving the benefit of the doubt. I tend to do this more times than not, especially to those who have caused me pain before - and often times over and over again I give people a thousand chances. Nine hundred and ninety-nine more times to hurt me and leave me broken and shattered on the floor like a broken picture frame - holding onto the happier times yet left as a mess to clean up. And just like the broom that picks up those shards, I sweep the pain away and put myself back up against the door - ready to be used again. I know that my love should be celebrated yet time and time again I allow for it to be tolerated. Call it the people pleaser in me. I am always looking out for others more than I am looking after myself. I put my needs and my feelings on the back burner so that I can be there for others and ensure that they are happy and alright - even when I may not be. Don’t get me wrong - I love being able to be there for those that I care about - but at the same time I also need to be there for myself - and I haven’t been as much as I should be. This is a very unhealthy habit, and even though I have lacked consistency in working on it in the past - I am now striving to always have the effort to at least try. To wake up everyday and build myself up to be better, to be real and raw. This isn't something that gets fixed over night - it is a constant project of progression in bettering myself. Life isn't always going to be smiley faces and laughter and that's ok.
Self-care is self-less. And no I am not talking about a spa night with a glass of wine - although those are amazinnggg (treat yourself). I am talking about caring for yourself and your own feelings. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself and that is a fact that I am still learning to accept. You shouldn’t have to keep people in your life who keep guilt-tripping and manipulating you, and then play it off as if it was nothing. My life and my love is not a toy to be played with. It is something that is real and so damn strong and special that it should be valued and not tossed around like a hacky sack. They say that loving someone shouldn’t hurt you - yet it somehow keeps ending up that way. Whether it be the love for another or the yet again seemingly failed attempt at love for myself. I just keep letting people in at their convenience and my emotional expense.
Self-care means calling yourself out on your own shit and not just everyone else’s. I know that I am a severe overthinker and I work on that every day. In my mind, I build up these expectations and when things don’t meet the guidelines that I had previously organized my brain goes haywire. Which frankly is a problem within itself as well - you can’t expect people to love as you do. We are all different, therefore we all love differently. I am purposely building myself up for disaster - basically throwing myself straight into the fire. I become so overly focused on these warped versions of what I want my reality to be that I don’t see the present moment for the true beauty that it could actually hold if given the chance. I need to stop grasping onto these false pretenses and things that once were. To stop feeling guilty because things aren’t what I want them to be, or what they once were. I am not what I once was - and that is ok. Each and every day we grow and it is about time that I gave myself permission to outgrow the parts of myself that don’t align with the person that I want to be.
The beginning of a new year is all about resolutions right? Well here is one of mine. To fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of myself. To stop expecting, and to start communicating (i am a communications major after all lol). And to be proud of me on this journey. I am trying - and while it hasn’t been easy - and it won’t continue to be either - I am going to keep going despite that, and that in itself is something to be proud of. I may have a hard time adjusting, but at least I am trying.
This isn’t some journey for love like the bachelor. It isn’t about a boyfriend or finding someone new. This is about me looking and being so damn happy because I worked on and found a new and better version of myself.
It’s about no longer begging for footnotes in the stories of people’s lives. Or worrying about what people may think of me (chances are they aren’t even thinking of me). It’s about noticing what people keep doing - and not what they keep saying (actions do speak louder than words-although try telling that to my words of affirmation love language). To letting go of the idea that I have of others, especially when in reality it is far from who they truly are. To never apologizing for loving too hard. After all, why apologizing for giving too much of my heart and caring too deeply? I will no longer dull the edges of my sharp light just because someone did not know how to handle it. Or carry the guilt of wondering if I did or said something to scare them away - when it was them who was scared because they saw the gift that I had given and decided that it was a chore to reciprocate rather than a celebration to receive. My enthusiasm is something to be cherished. My devotion is what some others dream about. I used to look at my kindness as both a blessing and a curse - as it is something that I would shower people with who preferred to remain dry. But I will never again look at it that way. Have people used it against me in the past? Yes. Will people still do so in the future? Most likely. But you know what - that’s ok. I will never say I am sorry for being kind to someone. It is part of who I am, and that I see as a full-fledge blessing now. There is nothing wrong with being a nice person. Kindness is something that is free. And you know what? You can be kind, but also be alert. I now know going forward that it is important to never be so kind you forget to be clever and to never be so clever you forget to be kind. There is a vast difference between compassion and cruelty and I will never cross the line that leads to the latter. Even if people have done so with me.
Some of my best advice going forward is to never settle in relationships. Whether romantic or platonic. As you can tell from today’s post, and past ones - I have had my fair share of people that have brought me down or used me. Be kind to those people, but don’t spend all your energy on them (cleverness meets kindness). There are people out there that will be sooooo good to you. Those are the ones that you should put your energy into. They might be hard to find, but believe me when they come into your life they are so worth the wait. And if you have to end some relationships along the way that is ok too. Be intentional with who and what you carry into 2021. Take it from me who is a veteran to toxic relationships - and still falls blindly into their traps from time to time - everything will start to be so much better and you will feel so much lighter - like a giant weight has been lifted off your shoulders after.
Besides, the end of a relationship is also the beginning of a new one..with yourself. Are you ready??
Here is to finding the best versions of ourselves <3
Till next week friends.
Stay happy, stay healthy, stay safe.
T
Ps. a couple of daily reminders
Strive for progress, not perfection
Positive thoughts create positive things
Everyone’s journey is different
Be yourself and don’t apologize for who you are
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