“She created a life that felt good on the inside, not one that just looked good on the outside.”
Here's the T has always been about tearing apart stigmas and breaking down barriers.. here is me taking down the remainder of my walls.
Continuing off of my last post, for those who read last weeks - my resolution for this year consists of falling in love with the process of becoming the very best version of myself. I am working on myself for myself. I am putting that extra step forward, taking that leap of faith, and am really wanting to look after and better not only my mental health but my physical health as well. I am an open advocate for mental health and self-care and it is about time that I practice what I preach and truly work on mine.
While in years past I have done this - especially last year - I don’t think I ever really 100% gave it my all. Especially when it came to my physical health I would half-ass it. I kept my workouts to 4-5 times a week but that was about it, nothing else. And while working on fitness is great - that isn’t the only factor involved in living a healthy life. For those who know me, I am a hugeeee foodie. And for me personally, I think that is my biggest downfall. While I personally am not a fan of diets or terms such as “guilt-free” because honestly if you love it then enjoy it. Diet culture much like every other "culture" that Hollywood has created is bogus. I know there are some plans and such out there that people rave about, such as whole 30 - but to me they just aren't my cup of tea. Something that I do want to accomplish is eating healthier, and I want to do it on my own terms and my own plan. Being lactose intolerant already kinda helps with that (as if given the chance I prefer not to take my pills if I don’t need/want to). But I want to take that extra step and start eating even better. Do you know how in middle school we were all taught the food pyramid? That thing gave me nightmares as a child - because let’s be real most of us as kids just wanted the cookies, candy, and all things sugar lol. Which don’t get me wrong I still love a good cookie or brownie - but I don’t crave them nearly as much as I used to - and instead I now find myself wanting to actually eat veggies and fruit (the inner child in me is shookith). This week I have been looking up fun new recipes to try out (shoutout to youtube and Pinterest) and I am so excited to begin this journey. And this is just one tiny step into it. Another thing that I really wanna try and better is my sleeping schedule. I know we as young adults refuse to believe it but, the amount of rest you get actually can majorly affect your health (hides behind my lack of it). My sleep schedule due to work was on a pretty good consistency until quarantine and then it kinda went out the window. I like to think I am a night owl but I also love the daytime. And as nice as sleeping in can be, I also hate doing it often because I feel as if I have wasted so much of the day (even if it’s just two hours or so) - especially during the winter when it’s light out for a lesser period of time. As mentioned before I am such a go-go-go type of person and why not allow myself more time during the day to get what I need to be done? Plus we can still throw a nap or two in there :P
"The energy you put out is exactly what you get back. Create a beautiful live for yourselves"
On top of my physical health, I really want to better my mental health. Over the course of the last year, there has already been a major positive difference in it - but it still is not necessarily at the place that I want/it could be and that is ok! Like I have mentioned before it’s an ongoing process. One that never truly will be completed as there is always room to better oneself. My journey with anxiety has been a bumpy and dark one - but one thing that has majorly helped me is being open about my struggle with it. I used to feel ashamed of it due to the fact that people always saw me as the girl thats always happy and has a smile on her face. And while yes, most of the time that is true - for a while and still from time to time it isn’t. I became a master of faking it and that just weighed me down more. Within the last two years, my confidence and happiness took a major boost - but there still are those moments where self-doubt sneaks in. Where my own mind makes me feel worthless. I think being the bubbly people-pleasing person that I am that I have unintentionally built up this pressure and image for myself and because of this I am constantly overthinking every little thing and left wondering if I am good enough and whether or not people actually like/care about me or if they just say that they do. While I don’t care what people think, I also do? I know that is contradicting, but it’s also relatable...right? I am all about embracing who I am and not letting others change me - but for some reason, there always seems to be that little flicker of insecurity that can very quickly ignite into a full-fledged fire. It’s as if I compare myself to others without even meaning to. It’s impossible to make everyone happy but for some reason, I am always subconsciously trying. I am tired of putting up this front. People will unfortunately always judge me or say things about me but I shouldn’t let it stop me from doing what I want - because by doing that I will be so much happier. We only have one life, and it’s not worth wasting it just to please others. I have let others affect me way too much in the past and this year I am really looking forward to looking ahead and trying to focus more on my own self and my own thoughts rather than others.
You guys know me, I love aesthetics. And while on social media I am so focused on always making things pleasing to the eye, I also want to make them real. This is yet again another stigma that society has created. While I love social media, it tends to do more harm than good. It leaves us measuring ourselves up against others’ successes. This in turn results in us focusing on creating happiness from the outside in - which is the exact opposite of what we should be doing. Yeah, it’s nice to have a life that looks good, but what is it worth if you don’t feel good inside as well? Of course, the ultimate dream would be to have both, wouldn’t it? To look like a million bucks and also feel like it. And believe it or not that dream can become a reality - if only we take that leap of faith into working on ourselves and allow it to be. It’s not going to be an easy process. You are going to feel overwhelmed, and there are going to be times where the anxiety slithers its way back in. But please just know that even the fact that you are trying is a huge accomplishment. None of us are perfect - and heck none of us will ever be. Perfect is overrated and boring. I like my life with a Lil spice and imperfections - it makes me, me. And it’s about time I fully accept that. I am tired of constantly focusing on making sure that my life looks good to others - when in reality the only person it needs to feel good for is myself. Will, there still be anxiety attacks at two am where everything just boils over and I am left crying on my floor listening to music while staring up at the galaxy light on my ceiling because things got to just be too much? Hoping to just lay there and fall asleep before I fall apart. Most likely. Heck it even happened last night. But that's ok. Because again it's ok to not be ok. There are always going to be things that we won't get over. Things that will set us back. Hurt us. But we will rise from it. We will learn from our past and use it to help us in our future. Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough and I think I just had mine.
In the past, I had grown so used to being happy in public and sad behind closed doors - but not anymore.
And its not that I don't love myself or arent happy with where I am at now - because I am. I am happier than I have been in a long time - I just know that I can do and be better and I want to be. I'm like my own baymax - a lil healthcare companion.
Be the person that decided to go for it. Break out of the box that you have been living in. Create the life you love, and love the life you live. Start by taking that one step forward and continue to take it one step at a time.
Like Gandhi said - be the change you wish to see in the world
Till next week my friends <3
I am excited to see where this journey will take us.
Life is a roller coaster, as are emotions, so buckle up because this is about to be one wile ride, and if you need a hand to hold on your journey I am there for ya.
Here is to using this year to creating the best version of ourselves and to putting our time and effort into something that truly matters - health and happiness. And to being authentic, vulnerable, and real.
- T <3
P.S.
Doing your best is more important than being the best. And remember to be gentle with yourself it's a long process. Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different tomorrow than it was today. And by trying to do your best there is no failure. We've got this. And I cant wait to see each of us create that empire for ourselves. The universe better watch out because a whole lot of awesomeness is about to come their way ;)
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