Holy Shania Twain...it seems like just yesterday I was sitting at my laptop in my old place designing my website and here we are ONE WHOLE YEAR later.
*cue confetti blast, balloons, and cake*
We gonna party like it’s here’s the t’s birthday…. oh wait that's cuz it is 😉🎉 🎈
For years and years, I dreamed of making my own blog and sharing my passion for writing with the world - heck I even went to school and got my masters in communications because I aspired to be a journalist and have my own radio show one day (this would still be bomb not gonna lie), but I always found some excuse to never do it. “I was busy with school” “I was busy with work” “I was busy with work and school” you name it and I most likely said it. The little bit of free time that I had I would spend with friends and family as it was such a minimal thing to see, especially for the year before the pandemic hit. For the most part, I was balancing two jobs and chances was I was working 70+ hour weeks. My schedule was loaded like a baked potato. In my mind, at that time there was no way that I could spend my precious free hours staying inside and staring at a computer screen while I could be out and about seeing people and making new memories. Little did I know what the next year would have in store for me. None of us could have predicted that we would be where we are right now. Face masks (not the relaxing cucumber ones), stay-at-home orders, and safety tiers. And as weird and crappy as it has been - it’s also been an experience that I am incredibly grateful for. Do I wish that there was no virus? Of course, I do. Being an individual that has experienced it first hand, it is something that I would never wish upon anyone. It knocks ya down like a one thousand pound block coming full throttle at you. One second you’re fine and then the next you are stuck in bed barely able to move due to the aches. But one thing about the pandemic that I am thankful for is the fact that it gave me time. Time that I wouldn’t have otherwise had. Chances are I would have still been working the same long hours I was before and using the minimal time where I wasn’t to go out into the world. It’s a silver living in a very otherwise dark scenario.
If you would have asked me when everything started beginning last year - throughout the shutdowns and furloughs, if I would be creating here’s the t I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer. I mean, of course, it was always a dream that I kept within both my heart and mind, but it was never the first thing that held priority. It was never my plan that I had envisioned for my life after college. It was always something that I kept bottled up and pushed to the back. That is until one morning about a week or so into quarantine when everything changed. I was living the same exact day over and over again it felt like (although let's be real still kinda am now, but on a different and better level lol) and I wanted that to change. Did I love getting to relax for once? Of course, it was a rarity so I was basking in it. But a girl can only suntan and stare at a television screen for so many hours before getting restless. I wanted to remodel my life and so I sought after that wish. I don't remember what exactly kickstarted the flame of the idea in my head again, but whatever the reason I owe a huge thanks to it. Before I knew it I was brainstorming, forming, and editing. The very dream that I had put on the back burner for the last five-plus years was becoming a reality. The day that this site went live I was so incredibly nervous yet excited. Hitting that publish button for the first time produced such an influx of serotonin and power in me. Power to take my life into my hands. To share this dream and passion of mine with everyone. From going to the privacy of my notes tab on my phone and journals to google docs and publications for the world to see. It’s quite a big step, but it was one that I was finally ready to take and each and every time that I look back on it I am so happy that I did.
One of my main goals with the creation of this site has always been the ability and chance to help others. I have shared some stories on here that I originally never thought I would. Ones that majorly affected my life and my mental health, such as opening up about my sexual assault. This was something that at the time (and months following) was eating me up slowly on the inside, destroying me more as each second passed by. Turning a once bright and bubbly girl into a joker. Fake smiles became my new and favorite costume to use. Fake it till ya make it right? I could just break down when I was home and away from people. After all, that's what society taught us to do. To not show emotion in front of others and to hold our heads up high. While that did work for some time, it ended up doing way more harm than it did good. I wasn’t me. I had that taken away and I wanted it back. This man took my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my body, and my own voice from me. But the one thing that he couldn't, was my soul. Writing has always been my favorite form of expression, my way to free the thoughts trapped inside of my head. And the day that I took all those thoughts to paper was the day that I began to become myself again. It was a long and not-so-easy journey, but it was one that was so worth every second. While when it happened I never thought I would share my story, as it's something that society has ingrained in our minds to not talk about, and when we do it somehow becomes our fault (beyond sickening) - as time went on I realized that I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to share my story because even though it was an incredibly triggering topic for me (and honestly still is) I knew that I was not the only one that had gone through it. And even if my story and my road to healing could help just one other person then that was more than enough. I want to break down those stigmas that society has placed in our lives - the things that they have deemed acceptable or not. Why should someone other than ourselves be able to tell us what we can or can not do or talk about? We are the authors of our own lives and I am damn freaking excited to have the pen back in my hand and to tell my own narrative. Whether it be talking about my battle with anxiety or sharing insights into stories that paid part in shaping me into who I am today - I love getting to talk about it all.
I don't know what this next year will hold for myself or for this site. But what I do know is that with each and every week I look forward to writing and including each of you in my new stories. To being open with you all. When I get messages from you guys about how my posts have helped, you seriously do not know how much it means. Like I had mentioned, that is one of the main reasons that I do this - and to know that I have accomplished that is such an absolutely amazing feeling. To hear that I have inspired others to share their own stories or to start their own blogs as well - I honestly have no words. There is nothing more that I want in life than to do just that. To help, inspire, and to leave that positive impact. To be able to have done that all within just one year, I simply can't fathom it - but it happened and I am so beyond blessed and ecstatic that it has. Part of me still can't believe the impact that I’ve made. I’m just a woman sitting here doing what she loves. And as I write out this post I can't help but feel utter thankfulness. Slow tears falling down my cheeks as I think back over this last year. I am not often left speechless but I am right now. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here, or that a pandemic would be the reason why. There were times where I felt like giving up, or not writing (besides the few weeks when I was sick and also moving) but It isn’t in my blood to do so. Like every other writer I get a creative block from time to time, and while it was frustrating and there were nights where many tears were shed - I pushed through and because of it some of my favorite/most empowering posts that I’ve done and stories that I’ve shared are now out there.
So Here is to following our passions. To igniting new ones. To breaking down barriers and stigmas. To being open and vulnerable. And to being the authors of our own stories. While I will hold on dearly to this last chapter/year of my life and this site - I am excited to start a new one. One year down, and hopefully, many more to go <3
Cheers to you all. I wouldn’t be where I am without you guys and your support.
Happy One year + 50th Post.
Till Next Week My Friends.
Stay happy. Stay healthy. Stay safe.
- T <3
PS. notice anything different about the site 😉
I thought this milestone called for a fun lil change.
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